We often don’t think that the sense of belonging or feeling included have much to do with our health. During the holiday season we usually pay attention to how much sweets or alcohol we have been consuming, which we recognize as not being great for our overall health and wellbeing. We set out to create New Year’s resolutions accordingly. However, as it turns out research points out that social inclusion is one the most important factors that influences our health, especially our mental health. Bridge for Health has invited Colin Easton to share his story about the Stranger Project as an innovative example of how we can find new ways to build healthy communities, by reaching out and connecting. We invite you to make connections and share your story during this holiday season to support your health. Use #sharingourselves. Wishing you a safe, happy and healthy holiday season!
By Colin Easton
It doesn’t take a holiday for a day to be difficult to get through. For those of us living with depression or other mental health issues, it can be Monday, seven days a week. This year, I’ve worked at building connections with people. On a daily basis. Depression manifests in my life in part, as a desire to isolate, to not be around others, and sometimes, to stay in the perceived comfort of my apartment.
I needed to find a way to ensure I was making an effort daily, to get outside, and more importantly to connect with at least one other human being. Even on the darkest and most dreaded days, this connection left me feeling a little lighter, a little more connected, and allowed me to not be so hard on myself for hermitting away.
The holiday time can be a double-edged sword. There’s an expectation of gathering with others to celebrate. I’m not even going to talk about the potential for self-inflicted guilt about the buying of gifts (I don’t buy gifts). While I actively seek out connections with others daily, it doesn’t mean I want to sit down for three hours and have dinner with a large, boisterous, celebratory group of people. The other side of that is my own awareness that part of the reason I spend the holidays alone, is because of choices I’ve made. I have to accept responsibility for that. How do we find the balance?
This year, I’ve been working on The Stranger Project. I’ve been going out everyday, finding a stranger to chat with, and then writing about that person’s story. The connections have been profoundly moving. Everyone has a story. And contrary to popular belief, everyone wants to be heard. I’ve had people share all kinds of personal information with me, for my blog. Some stories are hilarious and uplifting, and others are stories of survival through darker times. Invariably, most people thank me for asking to chat with them. When we make genuine connections with people, and when they know we’re really interested in what they have to say, true connection happens. I’ve built an entirely new community of friends and connections, through talking to strangers. Some people I may never see again. Some of the strangers have become good friends. A few have made it into my inner sanctum. That’s for life.
I’m still going to go out and find a stranger to chat with every day over the holidays. Just as I choose to be alone and am okay with it. I might meet someone who won’t have anyone to connect with. I might be their holiday connection. Community and celebration don’t have to be an enforced, enduring experience. Connections that are real and mutual have been my sustenance this year. It’s just one tool in my kit to work through my depression. Helping others helps me.
Reaching out to someone, making a connection and letting them know I’m interested in what they have to say, has been invaluable. I’ve learned lots of things about places and people that I wouldn’t have learned, sitting by myself in my apartment. I feel better on a daily basis for getting out, for making contact with another human, and, talking. I don’t have to buy them presents. I don’t have to spend hours with them. I do have to make the first move. And on those days when I know I don’t want to or don’t feel like it, I remind myself of how much better I’ll feel afterwards. Helping me, help myself. #notastranger